So, when Althea is not in my direct line of sight, especially if I also can't hear her, my brain spits out these horrible little scenarios wherein she is dead. Seriously. Example: this morning, I am cutting up squash to make soup for friend with new baby. Althea is sleeping (morning nap is awesome) in her bedroom. Nap begins to go on a little longer than one might expect (nearing one hour). Half of my brain is saying 'excellent! baby take long nap, mama accomplish many things. chop all the squash in one fell swoop!' but the other, death obsessed, morbid half of my brain is saying 'as you stand here rejoicing about cutting squash, your baby definitely smothered herself in a pillow and is dead in the next room'.
Or: Walker take the baby on a walk. They are gone longer than I expect. I start to believe they have been hit by a car, and I shouldn't have been so giddy about getting half an hour to myself, since now I will never see Althea again.
What the fuck? Does this happen to other mamas? Does it ever stop? Like when they get bigger and are out of your sight more, does it at least happen less? Its alarming, and unnerving, and frankly disturbing.
So: normal? you tell me.
In less depressing postscript, my fingers are stained baby poo orange from the squash.